In last week’s article, I wrote about the gap between priorities and reality. I talked about there being a difference between having priorities and prioritizing them.

I shared about my story and how I found my system. I also shared how my calendar now reflects the things that I value, and you will know what I value by looking at my planner.

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The Aligned Calendar Concept

This is really easy to do. Ask yourself the following:

1. What matters to me right now?

   1. This is not a SHOULD matter or what matters to EVERYONE ELSE. What matters to YOU?

2. Is my calendar making room for it?

   1. If something matters, it will be represented in your weekly or monthly view. There should be intentional space for it even if it is only a small chunk of time.

3. What needs to move, change, or go?

   1. This is where I differ from other productivity systems. I don’t want you to add more in. I want you see what can get rid of to have time for what you value.

Let’s Get Crazy—an Activity for You!

I’m going to challenge you to stop reading this article right now (remember to come back though) and pull out your calendar. Look at the current week or last week.

• Find 3 things that take up space. What is consuming your time.

• Find 3 things that matter to you. These are the activities and people you value.

• Find One disconnect. Where there a mismatch?

What is one small change you could make next week to bring your calendar into closer alignment with what matters?

This is one change. Do not try to start over. This is not a complete overhaul.

I’m glad you rejoined me to finish reading the article. I’m going to talk about making room.

Sometimes alignment doesn’t mean adding something to your calendar. It means taking something off.

If I were to sit down and make a list of all my tasks and appointments for the week, it could start off as very overwhelming. It would include work tasks and home tasks. I think back to when our kids were younger—there were activities. I was also very active in the community and volunteered with several organizations. All these things took my energy. What I needed to do then was look over the list and decide what I could..

• say no to?

• delegate?

• delay?

• simplify?

• do less often?

• decide what isn’t yours to carry?

I didn’t have that skill now. I figured out how to fit it all in. That’s why I became a “time management” coach; I was helping women be more productive. In reality, it’s all an illusion. Sure, the tasks get checked off, and I was seen all over town doing things. But, I was depleted and not always present.

I made a shift in my life and now I made it in how I coach. I don’t want you to arrange your time to fit more in. I want you make decisions about what gets your time (Even if you’re reading this, and I’m never formally hired as your coach—-make decisions about what gets your time).

Right now, I value rest. I make sure there is space for it each weekend. Along with the other things I value—family and doing things together to make memories.

The Perfect Week…

…doesn’t exist. My life is messy. Your life is messy.

• things happen

• kids get sick

• work explodes

• parents need help

• plans change

So, don’t worry about heaving that beautiful, Instagram-worthy weekly planner. An aligned calendar is not a perfect calendar. It’s a flexible calendar build around what matters most.

Alignment doesn’t mean everything goes according to plan. It means you know what to return to when life knocks your week sideways.

This is why I don’t believe women need to become better at cramming more into their days. I believe we need to become more intentional about what we’re asking our days to hold. Your calendar should support your life, not become another source of pressure.

The Aligned Time Reset

Today I opened the doors to the Aligned Time Reset, an 8 week group program. What I wrote about today is just one piece of the work we do inside The Aligned Time Reset. We don’t start with, “How can I git more in?” We start by getting clean about what matters, what doesn’t, what you’re carrying, and what needs to change.

Then we build practical systems around the life you actually live.

If someone looked at your calendar this week would they assume what you value most?

Would they be right?

Comment on this article to share your answer.

Want to learn more about The Aligned Time Reset? Click the button below:

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Is this what you actually value?

Would I see your health? Your relationships? Your creativity? Your career? Your family? Your friendships? Your own wellbeing?

Or would I mostly see meetings, errands, obligations, appointments, and everyone else’s needs?

Before you start to feel guilty, I want to tell you there is a gap between priorities and reality. Most women aren’t intentionally choosing a calendar that doesn’t reflect their values.

They’re responding.

One thing happens.

Then another.

Someone asks for something.

A deadline appears.

A family need comes up.

And suddenly the week is full.

There’s a difference between having priorities and prioritizing them.

Here are some examples:

My health matters.

But if there is never space for movement, rest, appointments, or nourishing meals, our calendar is telling a different story.

My family is important to me.

But if we're so overextended that we're exhausted every evening, we're not necessarily experiencing the family life we value.

Let me give you an example from my life:

I used to say that I wanted to prioritize self-care. I even wrote an e-book about 20 self-care ideas you probably never thought of. Self-care or time to my self was the first thing sacrificed when the family or a friend needed something. I’d push it to the back burner when I felt behind at work, and I’d spend a Saturday afternoon in my classroom grading instead of resting.

I put myself last. I was not prioritizing something I said was a priority.

The result? As a teacher, I burned out quickly. I lost passion and energy for the job. Even though I had summers off, during the school year, I over worked myself. I never drew a line in the sand, and it affected not only me, but my family.

Then I started working from home for myself. I was no longer controlled by a school bell. I needed to get organized and get a schedule in place. I tried so many different planners, templates, and workbooks that promised to help me be more productive. I also tried time-blocking in my planner and on a Google Calendar. I read a ton of books too. Books that promised to have the hidden secret.

None of this was working. I have a ton of planners and workbooks with only a few weeks filled out. It was too much to keep up with; I was so busy trying to fill in all the blanks and check all the boxes, my real tasks were falling apart.

I started to borrow things that actually worked for me. I have taken a course offered by Steph Crowder every year for several years called Year on the Wall. I borrowed some of this. I also borrowed from the original bullet journaling system. I also just used some systems I just think of as common sense.

And what made the biggest difference wasn’t the planner itself.

It was learning to ask:

What actually deserves a place in my week?

If you were to sit down with my planner right now, you’d see I value:

• volunteering with Alpha Chi Omega

• working on my business (this one, Beyond the Chrysalis)

• Time with my family

• My health (lots of doctor appointments, but not in a bad way)

• Rest (the weekends are sometimes empty except for laundry and groceries)

How did I get here?

I stopped saying yes to everything.

I started asking whether something aligned with my goals, values, or what I actually wanted.

I began planning my week intentionally instead of simply reacting to it.

Being in survival mode sucks. What gets you out is simple systems, boundaries, and learning to put you first.

These will be topics in covered in my workshop next week on September 16th. The workshop is called You’re Not Bad at Time Management. I’d love for you to join us!

September 16, 2026 at Noon Eastern

LIVE on Google Meet

$11 investment

Interactive—bring your planner/have your calendar handy

Click the button below to join the workshop.

Join the Workshop

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The thing is—I can’t remember everything. I wrote about telling my family I don’t have the capacity to remember everyone’s stuff. They have to figure it out. Turns out with my son, he hasn’t figured it out.

As as mom, I feel guilty about not remembering HIS laundry. I feel bad his work clothes are dirty—let’s not forget that I taught him how to do his laundry when he was 12, and I’m not sure how he got off his once a week schedule.

The point of all this, many women are in a similar situation. Maybe not with their grown son’s laundry, but they are expected to

• remember everything

• handle everything

• say yes

• fill the gaps

• be dependable

• not ask, “Do I actually want to?”

From all I’ve been writing about and sharing on Substack and social media, here is what I need you to take away and carry with you:

Being capable doesn’t mean everything belongs to you.

Yes, I know I keep telling you to let go and not carry everything. If you take that golden nugget of information with you, then you’ll let go of several things that aren’t yours to carry.

GenX and Elder Millennials were fed that to succeed they needed to do it all. I just watched a video on this (somewhere on social media). We were told to have a clean house. Cook for our families. Work. Be a loving wife. Be a good friend—do things with female friends.

The advent of social media upped the game because now women were opening competing with other women with children’s birthday parties, house decor, etc.

I want to say that we are capable of doing anythings and everything we want to. We are bad ass and up for a challenge. That doesn’t mean we have to. We need to carry what belongs to us and hold space for what we value.

We definitely don’t need to compete. Life is not a competition.

I know some of you are just as tired as me. Your hormones are everywhere. There are things you don’t care about anymore (because they weren’t important to begin with).

It’s time to create a life that supports you. That’s life on the B-Side.

Want to learn more? I’m hosting a workshop. Read about it and sign up with the button below.

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Women have been told:

• Get a better planer.

• Wake up earlier.

• Get more disciplined.

• Prioritize better.

AND, my personal favorite: If you really want it to happen, you’ll make time to get it done. UGH!

That last one is the worst. It puts 100% of the responsibility on you, and if it doesn’t work out, you’re the failure. I’ve been there. I’ve tried to follow all of this advice. If I was too tired to wake up early, I was a failure. If I bought a planner or system that was supposed to fix my life but it didn’t, I was the failure. AND, if I couldn’t get it done, then I must not really want it.

I’m here to tell you that you can’t organize your way out of a life that asks too much of you.

You’re not the problem.

You’re not a failure.

You’re not bad at time management.

I’ll be talking more about this at my upcoming workshop appropriately titled: You’re Not Bad at Time Management. It’s about why overwhelmed women never feel caught up and what actually works instead.

You’re invited to join me!

Here are the details:

Wednesday, September 16, 2026 at Noon Eastern

Live on Google Meet

Cost: $11

Join the Workshop

According to Thriveworks, Overwhelm occurs when “life demands exceed your physical and mental capacity to cope.” It can be caused by external pressures (money problems, heavy workloads/deadlines, grief, etc), internal pressures (perfectionism, people pleasing, and poor boundaries) and a deregulated nervous system (exhaustion or brain shift) (Thriveworks).

Now that the science is out of the way…

We live in a world that tries to sell us “quick fixes” to getting organized. Watch this video. Buy this planner. Check out my checklist for cleaning your house. All these add more to our lives. We’re sold that if we want to be organized, we need to do more.

We need more discipline.

We need more systems.

All of this tells us we can only get over our overwhelm if we do more. Otherwise, we are doomed to stay overwhelmed.

Look, I banned myself from watching infomercials back in the day because I’m so easily sold on things I buy them. All that stuff that floods my social media pages about getting organized— I bought into it. The planners. The journals. Then templates. The video series that was going to help me get my life together.

But, when you’re overwhelmed, adding more doesn’t help. You sink deeper into despair because you can’t handle more. Hell, you can’t handle what you have on your plate or you wouldn’t feel overwhelmed.

What do you do instead?

First, if it wasn’t clear, don’t give in to the promises of quick fixes. Don’t buy all the things that promise to get your organized.

Next, figure out what you value most. What’s important to you. What priorities do you have at this stage of your life. Once you know, plan around those. Say yes to those. Fill your calendar with those things.

Trying to organize your physical space? Consider the above—what is most important to you. That is what should occupy your physical space. For me, I love pictures of family and friends. I won’t throw out pictures. I treasure memories, so I save cards, ticket stubs (well now it’s printed paper that serves as a ticket), and other mementos. I have boxes for all these things. Stacks of papers from old jobs or times that I bought things to organize myself aren’t needed. They are clutter. Clutter in your physical space creates clutter in your brain. This is not my area of expertise, but I feel you can use the same idea—keep what you value most and throw out the rest.

Final Thoughts

I’ll end on this note (which I promise is related). I FINALLY found a doctor who will date my hormone changes seriously. I met with her the other day and told her about this singing pelvis in my FB feed. I told her I was concerned I had all the problems this pelvis told me I had. She told me the internet has set medicine back. Instead of patients coming in with symptoms, they come in having diagnosed themselves based on what they read or saw on the internet.

I told her the conversations and awareness around perimenopause and menopause are great, but then people come in to capitalize on them (like the company with the singing pelvis who will sell me 28 stretches to fix all my problems).

I realize the irony here—I’m a coach who helps overwhelmed women. At the end of the day, I’m selling something. But, I’m not selling quick fixes, and I’m not adding more. My philosophy has to do with taking things out and planning with intention. I’m not going to sell you a planner to fill out on your own. I’m selling a coaching relationship; a guide to getting out of overwhelm. So while irony can be seen, it’s not the same. No quick fixes.

Want to talk more about your overwhelm or how to work with me. Click the button below.

Some artists like Billy Joel, Rod Stewart, and The Beatles (to name just 3) had some huge hits from the songs on the B-side of their albums. For the most part. record companies saw the A-side to be the side that would be most listened to. The side that everyone would “live on.”

For a lot of women, we’ve spent our lives on the A-side. I look at this has the side where we were the person everyone in our lives needed us to be. The reliable friend. The loyal co-worker. The helpful daughter. The mom who did everything. The adoring wife. Really whatever labels you need to stick to yourself for those that depend on you for everything.

The B-side is not as worn out as the A-side. In fact. it may not have been played much at all. This is the side where we are find the self who was hidden behind all the labels and obligations. The B-side, which we flip over to sometime in midlife, is where we start building lives from truth instead of performance.

I’ve seen a revolution among GenX and Elder Millennial women as we enter midlife and perimenopause. We aren’t going in quietly. There is a revolution surrounding this stage of life that I don’t think existed before. I’ve seen it a lot over the past few years, but the movement was cemented with Melanie created the “We Do Not Care Club.” Like she says, “We’re putting the world on notice that we just don’t care.”

I don’t think we don’t care. I think we just care less about the things that we once thought were so important. I posted a video on social media last week about women over 50 being the most honest women I know. In the video I said I think it’s because we lose caring about the judgement of others. We say what’s on our mind more because we are finally comfortable in our skin (again). We aren’t performing anymore. We are just living. We return to ourselves. That free-spirited kid who laughed and colored outside the lines. The one who danced around the room like no one was watching. The one living in reckless abandon with all the wisdom we gained in our late 30s and 40s (I got so smart in the decade of my 40s).

The B-Side is what is possible when women stop organizing life around performance. We are just ourselves. And if we don’t care about the dust bunnies in the corner and our hair isn’t brushed, but we invite you over for dinner and a movie, you come and enjoy it with us. We laugh. We build memories. Maybe you show up with your hair unbrushed. This is the honest, no judgement zone. We do not have to have it all together all the time.

Imagine if no one ever flipped over The Stranger Album and heard Vienna and Scenes from an Italian Restaurant. We would have been deprived of true artistry. I would have bee deprived of my theme song, Vienna which reminds me that it’s okay that I haven’t “made it” by age 50. I have many years to “make it” and leave my legacy.

For me, The B-Side Woman is the woman who has stopped living by default and started living by design. She’s aligning her planner with her values. She is setting boundaries. She puts herself first.

In my midlife experience, as I restructure, I’m on the B-side. I’m pulling out the best parts and embracing the truth over performance. Watch for the B-Side Collective, a community for women who are ready to stop living by everyone else’s expectations and start creating lives that support them.

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The closer his graduation got, the more lost I felt. I had always been “Alex’s mom.” That was my identity Who was I now? Sure, I was a girlfriend, friend, teacher, board member, speaker, life coach, and on and on and on. But my biggest identity was “Alex’s mom”, and I didn’t know what I was going to do without theatre and Alex being such a huge part of my life.

When he graduated, he was going to go to college in the same town we lived in. He wanted to live in the dorm which I thought would be a great way for him to make friends. He made it through one semester of college and then was back home again. He’s still home with us. But, it’s not the same as it was when he was in high school. He’s grown now and would rather keep to himself. He has a ton of online friends; he’d rather chat with them on the computer than watch TV with us. His interest in theatre has changed even though I want to hang on to that part of our lives

Being his mom and being an active theatre parent was a big part of my identity. It made me feel alive. So, who am I now without that part of me?

Who the f— knows? I’m still trying to figure it out.

But different women go through this in different ways. Their marriage dissolves after 20-30 years. They don’t know how to be single and start over. They lose a job they’ve had since they graduated college 20-30 years ago, and they find themselves fighting with the AI to get their resume to a human. They lose a loved one. There are many examples of the thing that shows you that your identity was simply keeping you alive.

I suggest to people to have their own hobbies, friends, activities, and continue building skills throughout life. With kids, like in my situation, I tell people not to make their kids their whole lives. Easier said than done. We have them for a short time before they are grown and know everything and want to do their own thing, but have your hobbies, friends (who you don’t just see at the kids’ playdates), and plans that don’t involve your kids. I think it makes sliding into “empty nesting” a little easier. (And even though my son is here, it feels emptier than when he was younger).

It’s important to define your role; choose you want to be. I read a Substack article this morning about the many hats women wear and how women should try to wear them one at a time. (I shared on my Substack—go check it out). Although the roles of wife, mother, dog mom, co-worker, employee, volunteer, etc. are important. don’t lose you in those roles. Have “hats” just for you.

For those of us who are in midlife—the GenXers and Elder Millennials, we may have already put so many people first. We’ve mastered these roles that have kept us alive and we’re starting to feel lost. We are grieving for a life that once was. It’s too late to take the advice of not putting others first. We did it already. So, what do we do?

We take our favorite parts of ourselves and nurture those. We pick up old hobbies. We start dating our husband again or scheduling regular girls’ nights (or both). We remove all the things that don’t serve us, and we create the life that fits us best.

It’s not a reinvention. It’s not starting over. It’s a repositioning. We are choosing our identity and mastering a new set of rules and roles.

I’m still in the midst of this journey, but I know where I want to go. Well, there’s a rough sketch and outline. A guide of sorts. Reflect on where you want to go in this next chapter and who you want to be (not a reinvention—bring out the favorite parts of you).

I’d love to know your thoughts on any of this. Comment below.

We want to be the best mom.

The most reliable friend.

The star volunteer.

Wife of the year.

A daughter who does all she can for her aging parents.

You get the point. A lot of us have never said, “No,” to anyone.

It has come with a huge price.

We are stretched too thin.

We are over scheduled.

We are exhausted.

People depend on us for more and more because we showed how reliable we are.

We let people down because things would fall through the cracks because we said yes to too many things.

Read that last one again. One reason we continue to say, “Yes,” is so we don’t let others down. Sometimes it happens anyway. We double book. We make a mistake.

We also don’t want to be selfish. If we give and give and give, then we are selfless, someone to be admired and revered.

In reality, saying, “No,” to others is a sign of self-respect. It’s not selfish at all. And when we say, “Yes,” all the time, we not respecting ourselves. We are making a sacrifice of our time an energy that doesn’t need to be made.

So, how do we stop saying, “No,” all the time? It’s as easy as setting a boundary and shifting our mindset about what we say, “Yes,” to.

Okay, so maybe it’s not that easy. Learning to set boundaries and changing our mindset takes time and practice. But, it’s worth it. It did wonders for me when I started to say, “No,” to things I did not want to do (or to things that would have left me no time for rest.

In my Sunday Reset Notes, I talk about adding things to simplify your life and taking away things that aren’t serving you. I want you to consider taking out the word yes from your vocabulary. I don’t mean entirely. Say yes to the cake and the going to spending more time at the pool. Seriously though, say yes to less. Say no to things you really don’t have time or energy for. Say no to the things you’re not really interested in doing. Social obligations still exist in our society. I’m not sure what to do about those boring work events or the wedding of your second cousin twice removed that you never met. You may have to show your face there. But, start to consider things before you say yes. Say, “I need to check my calendar,” and see how your schedule will look once you add another thing.

I’m giving you permission to say, “No!” It’s really empowering and a sign that you love and respect yourself.

These Sunday Reset Notes start to get redundant. I hope they serve as inspiration and a guide to help y…

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Currently I value rest. Perimenopause is kicking my ass. The list of symptoms would take up too much space, so I’ll spare you. With the weekend being only two days long, I have to prioritize what I say yes to. Will there still be time to rest?

I look at what needs to be done: laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, food prep.

I look at what else I value: time with family. What events are we interested in? Have we been invited to any parties? What can I say yes to and still have time to veg out on the couch?

At this stage I can’t say yes to everything. In a couple of weeks, my husband was invited to an event of a company he networks with. That event is on a Saturday. Yesterday we were invited to a BBQ on the Sunday of that same week. I told my husband I will have to decide if we can do both. As I prioritize rest, two events in one weekend may be too much. If I don’t veg out and recharge, the new week will be a struggle.

Sometimes I think, “When did I get so old to where i can do one thing at a time?” Eight years ago I was going to two concerts in one weekend and staying up until 3:30 AM each night. The reality is I’m not old; I’ve shift what I needed to prioritize. My health, even though a change in hormones is not a serious diagnosis (It could be worse), is what I need to prioritize.

I know things can shift as my perimenopause journey changes or as my coaching business becomes more busy. I could also see a shift in values and priorities if I choose to get involved in group activities that light me up and recharge my batteries. As these shifts happen in my life, what goes in my planner will change. What I say yes to will change.

This is planning with intention. This is matching my planner/calendar to my values.

Have questions or what support in how you can plan with intention? Reach out to talk about how to work with me.

In 2019, I left teaching to start my Life Coach business. I had finished my Whole Person Life Coach certification and was craving something more. Anything had to be better than the deep despair I was in. I was burned out and consistently overwhelmed. I’d come home from a day of attempting to teach future minds to read, write, and critically think and stare into space. I was irritable. I was not present with my family. I was a shell of the person I was meant to be. My now husband said he liked me better in the summers; I was nicer and more fun.

I pushed through each day because I needed a job. I needed to make money to live. So I’d wake up at the last possible moment, drag myself out of bed, throw on clothes, and go to work. I’d feel the life leave me when I walked through the door. (I just have to add this in case they see it—some of my students were great and we are still in touch. Some of them made my whole day. It wasn’t the students; it was the system). Anyway, life was tough. I was just surviving! Then I saw Steve Harvey’s Jump video and knew I had to take risks and actually live my life.

But his video wasn’t the turning point for me. The turning point is the fact I have heart disease. At age 34 I had Congestive Heart Failure. I had it again at age 39. We don’t know why this happened to me. So after the 2nd time, I was really concerned about my health. I wanted to live as long as I could. In 2018/2019, I went to the doctor for an illness. It was just a viral infection. It wasn’t strep (which was good), but any virus can damage the heart. The reality of a virus ending my life at any moment freaked me out. AND, since I worked in a school, I was sick a lot, and it was always viral.

In thinking about this, I realized life is too short to wake up and go to a job that was draining me. I had to JUMP! I had to take the risk and see where it landed. Things couldn’t get worse. AND with life being so short, what did I have to lose? If it didn’t work, then at least I knew I tried. I always had the option to go back to the classroom.

My business had so many iterations before it landed where it is right now. I started off wanting to be an Academic Coach to help teenagers with study habits and applying to college. Then I switched to GenX women and helping them rediscover their inner child. I think this could have worked with a better marketing strategy. We all need play and fun in our lives. Next I was going to coach busy moms, but I wasn’t feeling this. My son and step kids were close to grown, so it was difficult to relate to parenting issues that were slightly different than mine (the world changes fast and parenting toddlers was no longer the same).

I was drawn to women in midlife, those who are GenX like me. I was getting my shit together, and I wanted to help others. Maybe I could catch them at the beginning of burnout before things got as dark as they did for me. Maybe I could show them there was more to life before they had the scare of an illness. My story and why I am drawn to this audience is because I know what it’s like to be here.

I started to focus on time management and productivity because I love office supplies and think with simple systems we can get more done. Having simple systems can take us out of burnout and overwhelm because they give our brain time to reset and recover. I became known at “The Time Management Coach” in the Woodlands, TX Facebook groups. It was kinda cool because I did not give myself that name.

When I started to reopen my business after three years of being closed, I decided I wanted to take woman into a deeper transformation. I’m no longer simply a “time management coach.” I’m a Life Systems Coach who helps women create a live that supports them. My focus is on boundaries, planning with intention (your calendar should reflect your values), and stepping into the life you want to live.

Where did this pivot come from? Somewhere in my 40s I figured out that in order to be my best self and do my best work, whatever I am doing has to be aligned with my values and where I want to be in life. I know this realization started when I left the classroom in 2019, but it really cemented in the last couple of years. If it doesn’t serve me, it doesn’t need to be part of my life. I have never been a job hopper; I’m such a loyal person. But since I have been in MA, I have left two jobs because they were not aligned. Both took more than they gave. The last one had values not aligned with mine. We prioritized different things. That is fine to be different, but I get to choose where I work. No more staying at a job and letting it run me into the ground. I want to give women permission to move on and set boundaries. I think we don’t do that like we should when we are younger.

So, here is a Cliff Notes version of how I got here. There is probably more to these stories. Some details aren’t relevant. Some take us down a path to a whole other story.

I’m curious, do you relate to any of this? Which parts? Any questions?

Interested in finding out what it is like to work with me? Click the button below.

Sometimes I just want to skip the reset. No matter how sacred it is to me, it does pull me away from veggin’ out on the couch and not thinking about anything (my freeze/withdraw from the world). But this is when I need to reset the most.

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There are planners, workbooks, journals, printable calendars… The list goes on and on. I’m guilty of buying some of these prior to developing my simple systems. I wanted a quick fix that would help me have it all together.

Guess what? They didn’t work for me. This is nothing against the any of these authors or designers. They created fantastic products. I’m guessing there are people out there who these planners and journals were a perfect fit for.

For me, a lot of them were too complex for my day-to-day life. Lots of blanks to fill in. Water glasses to color in. Habits to list and track. Journal prompts for each day. All great ways to reflect and record information, but they were time consuming. They didn’t fit my life. I wasn’t getting more done; I had more to do.

Others didn’t include everything I needed. Instead of having too much to fill in, there wasn’t enough. I need lined pages to take notes to keep everything in one place. I need to write my yearly and monthly goals in one place, so I can break tasks down throughout the year.

There was a time I thought about designing a planner/workbook for my systems. I would include inspirational quotes, time management tips, what you need to do to get more done, and plenty of extra space for notes and goals. I believe in my systems, and I know they work. I could easily sell a planner like many other creators and coaches.

I changed my mind. Putting together a journal/workbook would only help a small number of people at the end of the day. For others, it would be overwhelming and they would abandon it. My systems are simple and easy to teach. The best part of them is that they can customized for each person. They need to fit into each individual’s life.

As a coach, when I work with women one-to-one, I want to help them implement and customize simple systems into their real lives. I don’t want them to have more to do; I want them to get more done by doing less. This goes for the busy moms, women in corporate, small business owners, women in midlife who want to plan with intention.

So, when your social media is full of planners and journals that promise to get your organized “once and for all” think twice before spending the money. You don’t need a better planner, you need simple systems that work in your real life. Trust me; I have tried both ways. I get way more done with simple systems than with complex planners and journals.

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We also enjoyed pool time and grilled cheeseburgers!

It’s Sunday, so it’s time to reset for the week. Even if you are on vacation, it doesn’t hurt to do a 5 minute reset. Choose one thing from the Cliff notes and do that. Me? I’m back to work tomorrow, so I’ll be doing the full reset.

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Fight.

Freeze.

Most people are familiar with the survival instincts of our lizard brain. When faced with danger (or perceived danger), these are our responses.

And danger doesn’t have to be a great white off the Cape or a brown bear in the woods. Danger could be having to deal with people after a week of stress. Just regular people. Our central nervous systems are so deregulated that we can’t do the simplest thing, so our brain reverts to our survival instincts.

My lizard’s brain go-to response after too much stress and overwhelm is FREEZE.

And when I FREEZE, I just shut down.

What does this look like? For me it’s staying in bed all day and scrolling on my phone and napping or laying on the couch an watching either true crime shows or Lifetime movies.

No people.

No social graces.

No thinking.

My brain protects me by having me withdraw inward and not think about anything of importance.

So, I was in this space on Saturday. I wanted to FREEZE and shut down. My day job was overly stressful this week. Things out of my control that I could not fix. My husband was out of town which always puts more pressure on me at home. I’m working part-time on my life coach business wanting to do a great job for potential clients.

So Saturday it was time to freeze and hide from the world. BUT…

My husband had signed us up for a river cruise with a group he belongs to. He had paid for us to go, and he was really looking forward.

It took everything I had to get ready and drag myself at the door. In full transparency, I was not the most pleasant person. My brain was telling me to FREEZE and shut down while I pushed my body to shower, fix my hair, get dressed. etc. Then the traffic to get to the North Shore was stressful, and I just knew I was gonna be pissed if we missed the boat. All the time wasted when I could have been curled up on the couch watching TV.

Good News! We made the boat. A day at the beach is just what I needed. The beach is my happy place. The sound of the waves. The warmth of the sun. Being in community (although with strangers) instead of shutting out the world felt nice. The Vitamin D. It’s what I needed. Thinking that I could have missed all that made me realize how important it is to fight our survival instincts from time-to-time. Sometimes the perceived danger isn’t real.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a secret list of steps for you. I can’t tell you what is and what is not “danger” for you. I’m a big believer in recharging by doing nothing in your pajamas all day. I’m sharing the story because I hope you’ll reflect inward when your brain is telling you to fight, flight, or freeze in instances of stress and overwhelm. Talk to yourself.

Do you need to shutdown for self-preservation?

Would getting out and doing XYZ possibly be better for you?

By slowing down and not giving all the power to your lizard brain you’re able to have choice in how you react to stress and overwhelm in your life. You may not have control of the situations that overwhelm you, and you may not be able to fix them. But, you can control how you react to them.

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My 40s brought me a lot of wisdom. They also helped me hone my ability to set and maintain my boundaries. When you first start to set them, it’s difficult. I felt guilty saying no to things. Not because I really wanted to do XYZ. I felt guilty because I felt I was letting someone else down.

I would think of all the years I said yes to things I didn’t want to do out of obligation, and how unhappy I was doing the things I said yes to. The time lost. And sometimes, the realization that some people you said yes to had no problem saying no to you. UGH!

I helped women who are overwhelmed with life. Chances are if you’re overwhelmed, you’re saying yes to too many things. Think about how many events are on your calendar for the month that you wished you could have said no to. Saying yes to everyone only lets down you.

Here is an example of a conversation from my day job. My coworker and I have to meet with a couple about a complaint they filed. (There is a lot of confidentiality in my job, so I will not mention any details about it). Below is a retelling of the text conversation (not word for word, but my summary)

STOP! Do you see how even after I set the boundary, they tried to still come in Friday morning. At this point, my coworker said she would cancel her doctor appointment on Thursday morning. I told her, she would not. IMPORTANT: This meeting is not an emergency. It did not have to happen last week. The same results will happen this week.

Back to the conversation…

A simple boundary. A simple conversation. While we need to be flexible at our jobs and in our lives. we do not have to let others dictate everything to us. We had a reason for setting the boundary the way we did. I explained it. They didn’t want to accept my answer. I held firm.

Was this easy? Well, I’ll admit. This conversation was easy for me. I knew two things to be true: 1. Both my coworker and I need to be in the meeting (Thursday morning was out); 2. Friday we needed to help the whole team AND Friday was supposed to be a day of fun. The conversation could take several turns. We did not want to start the day off in a negative way.

I think knowing the facts of the matter helped me in this conversation. If I reflect on other times I had to set similar boundaries to protect my time (AND PEACE), I did the same thing. I knew why the boundary was important, and I was able to state that.

How are you at setting boundaries? Is it a skill you are growing?

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The name of my business, Beyond the Chrysalis, came from a quote I saw. I can not find who to credit for this quote, but it really drove home for me what the butterfly symbolizes in my life.

Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful.

For me, this explained the challenges and difficult times in my life. I went through those (we go through them) to grow stronger and more beautiful. Note: Beautiful doesn’t necessairly mean in a physical sense. Beautiful in this case is the new and better version of yourself after your period of growth.

I’m going to get scientific for a moment. Don’t worry, I won’t do this often. I love history way more than I love science. It’s important for you to have this information to understand me and my outlook on life.

Metamorphosis

The life cycle of a butterfly is way more amazing that what our elementary school teachers told us. Apparently, when a caterpillar hatches from its egg, all the parts (eyes, wings, legs, etc) needed to become a mature butterfly are present; we just can’t see them. Once inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes to dissolve all its tissues. During this time. the caterpillar becomes a pile of goo with butterfly parts floating inside. During the miracle of metamorphosis, rapid cell division starts and the butterfly is formed. That’s the short, simple version. Pretty amazing, right?

So What?

So what does this have to do with me and my coaching business? How does this help guide me through life?

EVERYTHING!

I’ve never been reduced to a literal puddle of goo, but I’ve been in the darkness. I’ve been stuck waiting for the pieces to together “just right” so I could be beautiful. Each hardship, challenge bout with depression has reduced me to goo and I came out of it strong and beautiful.

What’s amazing is we have all the parts inside of us to become the whole butterfly. As a life coach, I know the women I work with are strong and beautiful with all the parts they need to be beautiful butterfly they want to be. I help them put the pieces together by coaching them toward their goals. I work on reclaiming time and energy with my clients, but they have all the answers inside. They are the experts on themselves. They just need someone walking with them (which is different from the caterpillar to butterfly). I guess as the life coach. I’m the enzymes?

I don’t know about you, but perimenopause is kicking my ass. It would take too much room to list all my symptoms. But there are many days where I don’t feel like me. From my experiences in life I know I’m in the goo again. I know this too shall pass. I know there is support out there in coaches, therapists, and friends.

Wrap Up

In summary, we can learn a lot about the caterpillar to butterfly story. There are processes we must go through to get to where we need or want to be. Life isn’t always easy, but we all have what we need to have the life we want inside of us. Sometimes we need help putting the pieces together.

Are you in the goo? Ready to take back your life and stop feeling behind? Contact me with the button below.