I work on most of my content on Sundays then schedule it out for the week. Today I was creating a meme for FB and IG. I sent it to my husband and asked him what he thought of the design.
The meme said: “Apparently, being dependable is a lifelong subscription you never remember signing up for.”
He told me he didn’t understand it. He said dependable isn’t a bad thing. I tried to explain to him about being the person who is good at something or dependable and how more always gets put on your plate. He said that is good. We went round and round.
He’s not wrong. Being dependable is a great quality to have. We all want dependable people in our lives. I like being a dependable person—at work, at home, with my friend group. It’s a great quality to have.
Until you become the default person. The reason my husband doesn’t understand it is because although he’s dependable, he’s not the default person. I am.
The default person is the one who remembers the appointments, plans the holidays, notices what’s running low, knows what’s happening with the kids, keeps tracks of family obligations, and figures out what needs to happens next.
You don’t do all of this because someone asked you to. It happened gradually.
People know they can count on you. You know you can handle it. And because you can, you do.
One day, being dependable doesn’t feel like a choice anymore. I know I felt guilty when I tried to take a step back and not be the default, so I kept stepping up for everything that was needed.
What if you stopped automatically assuming that because you can do something, you should?
“I can” and “I should” are not the same sentence.
You don’t have to stop being dependable. You don’t have to become some who doesn’t care or doesn’t help. (I don’t know if I could be that person if I tried—I’m a helper).
You can still be generous, responsible, thoughtful, and reliable.
BUT, (this is the important part) you get to decide what you’re responsible for.
AND, you get to be someone other people depend on without making yourself responsible for everything.
It’s about getting out of the default mode and into a space where you get to choose.
It was a real eye-opener when I started to understand the resentment I was feeling was more about being the default than being a person who shows up because she wants to. I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm definitely doing more of that at work, so that's a good step!