From Shut Down to Fully Functional
Being so Overwhelmed You Freeze & How to Deal
Flight.
Fight.
Freeze.
Most people are familiar with the survival instincts of our lizard brain. When faced with danger (or perceived danger), these are our responses.
And danger doesn’t have to be a great white off the Cape or a brown bear in the woods. Danger could be having to deal with people after a week of stress. Just regular people. Our central nervous systems are so deregulated that we can’t do the simplest thing, so our brain reverts to our survival instincts.
My lizard’s brain go-to response after too much stress and overwhelm is FREEZE.
And when I FREEZE, I just shut down.
What does this look like? For me it’s staying in bed all day and scrolling on my phone and napping or laying on the couch an watching either true crime shows or Lifetime movies.
No people.
No social graces.
No thinking.
My brain protects me by having me withdraw inward and not think about anything of importance.
So, I was in this space on Saturday. I wanted to FREEZE and shut down. My day job was overly stressful this week. Things out of my control that I could not fix. My husband was out of town which always puts more pressure on me at home. I’m working part-time on my life coach business wanting to do a great job for potential clients.
So Saturday it was time to freeze and hide from the world. BUT…
My husband had signed us up for a river cruise with a group he belongs to. He had paid for us to go, and he was really looking forward.
It took everything I had to get ready and drag myself at the door. In full transparency, I was not the most pleasant person. My brain was telling me to FREEZE and shut down while I pushed my body to shower, fix my hair, get dressed. etc. Then the traffic to get to the North Shore was stressful, and I just knew I was gonna be pissed if we missed the boat. All the time wasted when I could have been curled up on the couch watching TV.
Good News! We made the boat. A day at the beach is just what I needed. The beach is my happy place. The sound of the waves. The warmth of the sun. Being in community (although with strangers) instead of shutting out the world felt nice. The Vitamin D. It’s what I needed. Thinking that I could have missed all that made me realize how important it is to fight our survival instincts from time-to-time. Sometimes the perceived danger isn’t real.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a secret list of steps for you. I can’t tell you what is and what is not “danger” for you. I’m a big believer in recharging by doing nothing in your pajamas all day. I’m sharing the story because I hope you’ll reflect inward when your brain is telling you to fight, flight, or freeze in instances of stress and overwhelm. Talk to yourself.
Do you need to shutdown for self-preservation?
Would getting out and doing XYZ possibly be better for you?
By slowing down and not giving all the power to your lizard brain you’re able to have choice in how you react to stress and overwhelm in your life. You may not have control of the situations that overwhelm you, and you may not be able to fix them. But, you can control how you react to them.
If I had to distill my parenting down to one important lesson I tried to teach my kids, it was exactly what you speak of: You can’t control what happens (or other people), but you can control your reactions and behavior. It took me so long to learn that for myself that I knew I had to impart that wisdom to them early. Thanks for sharing.
Yes! It's so important to actually listen to your body when it wants to go into Freeze. It's taken me 6 decades to be able to do this without beating myself up while I'm doing it. I think I'm finally getting it that the body always knows.