Saying No is an Act of Self Respect
It's not Selfishness
The word ‘no,” is two letters and considered a full sentence. It should be one of the easiest words to use. Two and three year olds have no problem telling their parents no. Teenagers even say, “No,” with ease. But as grown-ass women, we struggle.
We want to be the best mom.
The most reliable friend.
The star volunteer.
Wife of the year.
A daughter who does all she can for her aging parents.
You get the point. A lot of us have never said, “No,” to anyone.
It has come with a huge price.
We are stretched too thin.
We are over scheduled.
We are exhausted.
People depend on us for more and more because we showed how reliable we are.
We let people down because things would fall through the cracks because we said yes to too many things.
Read that last one again. One reason we continue to say, “Yes,” is so we don’t let others down. Sometimes it happens anyway. We double book. We make a mistake.
We also don’t want to be selfish. If we give and give and give, then we are selfless, someone to be admired and revered.
In reality, saying, “No,” to others is a sign of self-respect. It’s not selfish at all. And when we say, “Yes,” all the time, we not respecting ourselves. We are making a sacrifice of our time an energy that doesn’t need to be made.
So, how do we stop saying, “No,” all the time? It’s as easy as setting a boundary and shifting our mindset about what we say, “Yes,” to.
Okay, so maybe it’s not that easy. Learning to set boundaries and changing our mindset takes time and practice. But, it’s worth it. It did wonders for me when I started to say, “No,” to things I did not want to do (or to things that would have left me no time for rest.
In my Sunday Reset Notes, I talk about adding things to simplify your life and taking away things that aren’t serving you. I want you to consider taking out the word yes from your vocabulary. I don’t mean entirely. Say yes to the cake and the going to spending more time at the pool. Seriously though, say yes to less. Say no to things you really don’t have time or energy for. Say no to the things you’re not really interested in doing. Social obligations still exist in our society. I’m not sure what to do about those boring work events or the wedding of your second cousin twice removed that you never met. You may have to show your face there. But, start to consider things before you say yes. Say, “I need to check my calendar,” and see how your schedule will look once you add another thing.
I’m giving you permission to say, “No!” It’s really empowering and a sign that you love and respect yourself.