The B-Side Woman
I'm Not Crazy for Wanting Another Way to Live
Records and cassettes have an A-Side and a B-Side. The A-side tended to be the more popular music; the music that was released to be played on the radio. This made the B-side the side without the hits; the side with “extra” or experimental music.
Some artists like Billy Joel, Rod Stewart, and The Beatles (to name just 3) had some huge hits from the songs on the B-side of their albums. For the most part. record companies saw the A-side to be the side that would be most listened to. The side that everyone would “live on.”
For a lot of women, we’ve spent our lives on the A-side. I look at this has the side where we were the person everyone in our lives needed us to be. The reliable friend. The loyal co-worker. The helpful daughter. The mom who did everything. The adoring wife. Really whatever labels who need to stick to yourself for those that depend on you for everything.
The B-side is not as worn out as the A-side. In fact. it may not have been played much at all. This is the side where we are find the self who was hidden behind all the labels and obligations. The B-side, which we flip over to sometime in midlife, is where we start building lives from truth instead of performance.
I’ve seen a revolution among GenX and Elder Millennial women as we enter midlife and perimenopause. We aren’t going in quietly. There is a revolution surrounding this stage of life that I don’t think existed before. I’ve seen it a lot over the past few years, but the movement was cemented with Melanie created the “We Do Not Care Club.” Like she says, “We’re putting the world on notice that we just don’t care.”
I don’t think we don’t care. I think we just care less about the things that we once thought were so important. I posted a video on social media last week about women over 50 being the most honest women I know. In the video I said I think it’s because we lose caring about the judgement of others. We say what’s on our mind more because we are finally comfortable in our skin (again). We aren’t performing anymore. We are just living. We return to ourselves. That free-spirited kid who laughed and colored outside the lines. The one who danced around the room like no one was watching. The one living in reckless abandon with all the wisdom we gained in our late 30s and 40s (I got so smart in the decade of my 40s).
The B-Side is what is possible when women stop organizing life around performance. We are just ourselves. And if we don’t care about the dust bunnies in the corner and our hair isn’t brushed, but we invite you over for dinner and a movie, you come and enjoy it with us. We laugh. We build memories. Maybe you show up with your hair unbrushed. This is the honest, no judgement zone. We do not have to have it all together all the time.
Imagine if no one ever flipped over The Stranger Album and heard Vienna and Scenes from an Italian Restaurant. We would have been deprived of true artistry. I would have bee deprived of my theme song, Vienna which reminds me that it’s okay that I haven’t “made it” by age 50. I have many years to “make it” and leave my legacy.
For me, The B-Side Woman is the woman who has stopped living by default and started living by design. She’s aligning her planner with her values. She is setting boundaries. She puts herself first.
In my midlife experience, as I restructure, I’m on the B-side. I’m pulling out the best parts and embracing the truth over performance. Watch for the B-Side Collective, a community for women who are ready to stop living by everyone else’s expectations and start creating lives that support them.